When GOODe News Turns Bad

Dear Reader-

It is with a heavy heart I write to you tonight. As many of you know, I like to keep things light and fun here on GOODEness Gracious, but sometimes when I share the joyous times here, it requires me to share the other side when things don’t go as expected.

Today we learned for certain what we have feared to be true for the better part of this week. We are no longer expecting Baby Goode #2.

I understand that some find the topic of loss a taboo subject, and I can respect that, so if that is the case for you, I respectfully ask that you skip this post.

However, as someone who has experienced that loss, I can tell you… that at least for me and my family, that hiding it away does no good and has the potential of doing way more damage than the pain of the loss itself.

Loss, like many emotions, will just come bubbling up in some other area if not dealt with…

Truth be told, many years ago—wayy before Miss Add—Puddie and I experienced this same loss twice within one year.  That same year Puddie was injured and laid off from his dream job.

Back then, we didn’t handle it so well. We didn’t talk about it. And, it led to a very difficult time in our life and marriage. A time where I longed for someone to share their story with me… a story of a marriage that made it… not a perfect marriage…Lord knows I didn’t want to talk to anyone about that when my world was falling apart. No, I longed for someone to share with me about a marriage that dealt with really hard things like loss, depression, unemployment, etc. and found a way back to the love that brought them together in the first place.

I never heard that story.

But, I prayed a lot during that time and eventually God healed our hearts and things got better. Things actually got beyond better. Through that experience, Puddie and I built a bond that I know can harbor times like we now face with another loss. I thank God for that. That and the fact that God gave me that story that I longed to hear through my own story.

When we came out of that dark time, I swore that I would never pretend to have it all together. Ya see, when you are in the depths of a struggling marriage or loss, healing comes from talking to those who have been there- BUT someone has to be willing to share their story. There is so much good that can come from being honest. Sharing real struggles with each other builds bonds and can help a hurting heart so much. I swore that I would never pretend to have the perfect marriage… even though I know what we now have is worth more than gold. Or the perfect life, even though I know I am blessed beyond measure.

Since experiencing the joy of having Miss Add, Puddie and I approached this pregnancy from a stance that we were not going to let fear steal our joy. I realize sharing our pregnancy with you several weeks ago was a risk. I even thought, “What if something goes wrong”.  But, again, we are committed to living a life that isn’t ruled by the fears of the what ifs…

Well, in this case, something did go wrong, but I am not sorry for celebrating the life that was with us, while it was with us.

My family is sad, but still incredibly blessed.

And, here I am… heartbroken and frustrated…but different than before.

Please say a little prayer for us and hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight.