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Saturday, April 2, 2011

When GOODe News Turns Bad

Dear Reader-

It is with a heavy heart I write to you tonight. As many of you know, I like to keep things light and fun here on GOODEness Gracious, but sometimes when I share the joyous times here, it requires me to share the other side when things don’t go as expected.

Today we learned for certain what we have feared to be true for the better part of this week. We are no longer expecting Baby Goode #2.

I understand that some find the topic of loss a taboo subject, and I can respect that, so if that is the case for you, I respectfully ask that you skip this post.

However, as someone who has experienced that loss, I can tell you… that at least for me and my family, that hiding it away does no good and has the potential of doing way more damage than the pain of the loss itself.

Loss, like many emotions, will just come bubbling up in some other area if not dealt with…

Truth be told, many years ago—wayy before Miss Add—Puddie and I experienced this same loss twice within one year.  That same year Puddie was injured and laid off from his dream job.

Back then, we didn’t handle it so well. We didn’t talk about it. And, it led to a very difficult time in our life and marriage. A time where I longed for someone to share their story with me… a story of a marriage that made it… not a perfect marriage…Lord knows I didn’t want to talk to anyone about that when my world was falling apart. No, I longed for someone to share with me about a marriage that dealt with really hard things like loss, depression, unemployment, etc. and found a way back to the love that brought them together in the first place.

I never heard that story.

But, I prayed a lot during that time and eventually God healed our hearts and things got better. Things actually got beyond better. Through that experience, Puddie and I built a bond that I know can harbor times like we now face with another loss. I thank God for that. That and the fact that God gave me that story that I longed to hear through my own story.

When we came out of that dark time, I swore that I would never pretend to have it all together. Ya see, when you are in the depths of a struggling marriage or loss, healing comes from talking to those who have been there- BUT someone has to be willing to share their story. There is so much good that can come from being honest. Sharing real struggles with each other builds bonds and can help a hurting heart so much. I swore that I would never pretend to have the perfect marriage… even though I know what we now have is worth more than gold. Or the perfect life, even though I know I am blessed beyond measure.

Since experiencing the joy of having Miss Add, Puddie and I approached this pregnancy from a stance that we were not going to let fear steal our joy. I realize sharing our pregnancy with you several weeks ago was a risk. I even thought, “What if something goes wrong”.  But, again, we are committed to living a life that isn’t ruled by the fears of the what ifs…

Well, in this case, something did go wrong, but I am not sorry for celebrating the life that was with us, while it was with us.

My family is sad, but still incredibly blessed.

And, here I am… heartbroken and frustrated…but different than before.

Please say a little prayer for us and hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight.


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65 GOODe Thoughts:

Praying for you guys...and can't wait to hug you, Mike and Miss Add tomorrow. Love you so very much.

As a new follower, I did not know you were expecting. I am so sorry that you have to go thru this. I too have lost a baby. It was the hardest thing for me to go through as we had tried for 4 years and it was the first time that I had gotten pregnant. 2 years later, I was pregnant again with TWINS! The original due date was December 4th. They came early on November 8th. It was a double blessing to deliver 2 healthy beautiful girls that day, but the most awesome part about it was that they were born on the original due date of the baby that I had miscarried. God knows what He is doing and He never ever gives us more than we can handle. I pray that the Lord will wrap His loving arms around you all and grant you peace and comfort in the coming days!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your willingness to share so openly. May God grant you peace, comfort and healing. Our son and DIL lost their first pregnancy and I remember how sad it was to have lost someone we hadn't even met, but God blessed us last September w/ another grandchild who has brought so much joy to our family. I pray that God will do the same for your family.

Oh, I am so, so sorry. Just know that my heart and prayers are with you. I know that you are amazing and blessed, and I know that you will endure this and that you will be blessed even in your grief. Remember always that you are loved and known.

I'm so very sorry for your loss! I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way!

Cris, I'm so sorry for your loss and completely understand your sadness. I've been there. And I understand the struggles in your marriage. Been there too. So happy to hear how you have pulled through and now have a stronger marriage. I appreciate your honesty and pray that your story will reach someone else who has dealt with the same issues you have. I'll be praying for peace and comfort for you and your family during this time.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

My heart is broken for you, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know this is a difficult time for your family, but I love that you wrote about it so beautifully and that you have a strong marriage to lean on. You're right, pretending something isn't happening doesn't make it better, it makes it worse. And your sweet honesty is why we love you! (((hugs)))
Amanda

I am very sorry for your loss. I know the heartache and stress all to well. My girls are now 20 and 12 and I lost 4 babies in between them. It was horrible. My husband would get frustrated because I was hurting, he just didn't understand. after that, I never dreamed that we would have another baby ~ and then.. when I became pregnant with my 12yr old I was petrified. We didn't tell anyone about the baby until I was 5 months.. and I had a great pregnancy. Since my uterus was weak they expected the baby to come early ~ she was two weeks late and very healthy.
You just never know what the furter holds.
Keep faith in your heart.

Cris,
I'm so sorry to hear of this. It's times like this we have to look up and not away from our Lord and he will lead you through. I can't imagine the hurt you must be feeling. Please know that if there is anything Adam or I can do to help you and Mike through this, even if its nominal, we'd do it.

I read this, almost wanting it to be an April Fool's joke, but I knew this wasn't something you'd joke about....Again, I'm incredibly saddened to hear of your loss.

Crystal

My heart and prayers are with you!
Hugs;0)

Oh my goodness. Iam so sorry to read this...thinking of you and your family...

Im so sorry to hear this news. My prayers go out to you and yours.

Leontien

We will be sending good thoughts and prayers your way. A life, no matter how short, is always precious and deserves to be recognized, celebrated, and mourned. I am so sorry for your loss, but appreciate you sharing it all with us.

So sorry you are going through this again:( Praying for you and your family.

Im so sorry sweetie. I also experienced a miscarriage after my first child. It is difficult and it is frustrating:( But, be strong...God has a plan that is much bigger than us. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya!

Oh I am so, so sorry. Prayers going out for you all.

I feel so sad to hear of your loss, Chris, and feel happy that you shared with us. I've never experienced a miscarriage, but I certainly have had my share of loss. I wish I could hold you and pat you and whisper sweet things to you. This must do. God bless you and your family, Chris, and you go through the stages of grieving and healing from this loss. Sue xo

Sending many prayers your way. I miscarried my first pregnancy and it rocked me to my core. You are not alone- many have been in your shoes. More importantly, He is with you.

Praying for you & your family! I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you all, but I agree 100% with your post about sharing it. I've heard so many ppl say that they wanted "to wait until we were X far along to tell" & I've always understood why they do that. However, I agree with you that every life deserves to be celebrated - no matter how short it is. Every baby changes us, regardless of how long we're allowed to have our angel. No one can really "make it better" but perhaps you can find some peace in knowing that so many people love you, care about you, & are supporting you.

So, so sorry for you. I haven't had that loss (although I remember the hurt my brother and his wife had a couple of time), but I've had some bad times in the marriage department, so I TOTALLY understand what you are saying! Keep trusting God to bring you through. I'll pray for you all.

hi, Cris. i know you don't know me, but i went to school with Mike (i actually married him in a school play!!) you mentioned your desire for others to share their stories, so i will share a short version of mine. april 28th will be two years that i delivered our stillborn daughter, Amelia Mae. i was 30 weeks along in a mostly normal pregnancy. she was so active that last day! but late the night of the 26th/early morning of the 27th my placenta detached. there was no heart beat at the ultrasound. we had to go to the hospital on the 28th and deliver her. and my husband and i are like you; we refuse to pretend it didn't happen and that she didn't exist. she did exist, we held her in our arms. people are often afraid that if they talk to you about it, or ask you questions, it will make you sad. but what they don't realize is that you're already sad, and talking about it doesn't make you sadder, even though it makes you cry. talking helps so, so much. thank you for being brave and sharing your story, and for allowing me to share my story with you. many prayers will be lifted up for the Goode family.

Oh, Cris. My heart aches for you and your family during this time! I am so sorry! I pray the Lord will give you strength and encouragement, and just wrap His big arms around you right now! Please let me know if there's anything more I can do for you!

Oh Cris, so sorry to hear this news. We'll be thinking about you and your family. Thank you for being brave enough to share this story.

Will definitely say a prayer for you, and I love your attitude. I have a friend who is having a really hard time dealing with the loss of her first two babies/pregnancies, and it sounds like her experience is very similar to your first. You are so lucky to have Puddie and his support. I have more thoughts I'm trying to put into words, but I think Adam just ran upstairs to get dressed, so I better go with him. But know that my thoughts, prayers, and love are with you!

May your heart be lifted in this time of loss. Your extended friends here wish you love and quick healing.

Sharing life at its best-and worse-is a gift. Don't every second quess this post. Thank you for showing us your tender, vulnerable side...a side that we all have and share. May we give you a gift in turn, by easing your heart...if only a little.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have prayed that God would surround your family with his love as you go through this time.

Beautifully said my friend. You know as another that has shared in a loss and been there when it happened long ago we are still here for you today and love you all. You are an amazing and beautiful women.

I'm crying with you, Cris. I'm so sorry for your loss, and my hubby & I will be praying for you and your family.

I've been where you were a few years back. We too lost a little one between Preschooler and Toddler. I didn't want to talk about it either, but word leaked out and pretty soon people were coming out of the woodworks to share their experiences as well. At angry as I was at that time, it did kind of help to hear from other people besides the ones who just told me to "be thankful for the child you DO have."
I'll never forget our little lost baby, he/she would be 2 in May, but I'm finally to a point where I can talk openly about it. You're totally right, you can't live life if you're always worried about "what if". I was really stressed out during Toddler's pregnancy and I've told myself that if God blesses us with any more children, I will not live like that.
((HUGS))! This is a terribly hard time, but it sounds like you have the right attitude and you and Hubs have the strength to hold each other up.

Cris, I am praying for you during this difficult time. I know how devastating this loss can be. Sending big virtual hugs your way!

Oh Cris, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you guys. Let me know if there's anything I can do. xoxox

Cris, so sorry to hear of your loss. Todd and I lost 2 babies before our boys came along. It is deeply painful for me still, and that was 9 and 10 years ago. So hard. I really hated all the things people would tell me to make me feel better. The truth was I just needed to sit with my own pain a while and grieve. The only thing I take comfort in, is I know, without a doubt, that our babies Kris are in heaven and I will see them again some day. That to me, is amazing, even in the midst of sadness. Praying for you and Mike.

Cris
It is God's will I lost a child after carrying him for 9 months. We thought everything was OK but soon, we found out he shared my nervous system and couldn't live on his own. God bless you, and your family, time heals all thing when we let it. You will be in my healing prayers.

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I pray that God brings you both peace and comfort during your time of need.

Your family will be in my prayers. Thanks for sharing with us. We who share your blog are family too...and we hurt when you hurt. Hopefully knowing we are all here and care for you will help make this time a little easier to handle. God knows the plans He has for each of us and we put our faith and hope in Him. Take comfort in the reunion you will have with your angels in Heaven one day....oh what a glorious day!

Cris, thank you so much for sharing! I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I'm sure God has a plan, we just don't always understand it. I'll be praying for you and your family.

May the Lord help you through this difficult time. My mom lost my brother after he lived 3 months. She had such a hard time but I'm glad she didn't stop having kids or I wouldn't be here today.

I am so sorry for your sadness & loss.

I will add you to our prayer's.

I agree that you need to mourn your loss now. God is there for you to lean on and give your pain and sorrow to so he can help you deal with it. You and your family are in my prayers. I experienced that loss 4 times. I kept it bottled up inside and people avoided me for fear of talking about "it". May God bless you with the desires of your heart for your family.

Sigh.... We have also been there twice as well, and I applaud your choice to share. When a couple learns they are expecting, that little fetus, as anyone in the medical field would call it, is YOUR CHILD. You start dreaming and wondering and planning its life and how yours will change and grow from the new arrival. So the grieving process is very real even if this tiny life was only eight -ten weeks old. I believe in sharing so that people do not walk into awkward situations, and they can pray for you. Hugs and prayers from our home to yours!

Cris: I am so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers are with you, Mike and Addie. When you are ready, I have a book I think will help in your loss . . . I just finished reading it: "Heaven is for Real, A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back" by Todd Burpo. My story is related, although I never miscarried. We tried to conceive 16 years ago. Went through many infertility treatments and was not successful. When the final GIFT procedure didn't succeed, I grieved as deeply as if I'd lost a child. My heart aches for you. I can only promise that God is walking with you as you grieve. I finally realized God gave me my children, He just did it His way, through my beautiful stepchildren. If you need to talk, please call.

Cris, just think how many people shared your joy and celebrated that tiny little life while it was with us. If only every child would be so blessed and loved from the very beginning this world would be a much better place. Take care of each other.

Christy

Oh, Cris, I am so sorry! Wish I could be there to give you a real hug, but know there is a virtual one going out to you! And I will be praying for you. I am glad you have learned that it is better to talk about the painful stuff and not keep it inside. You will still grieve, but it will help to share...
(((HUGS)))
Bernice

Oh, Cris, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your heartbreak. *hugs* to you - and prayers for you and all your family.

Cris, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I wish there was something I could say to help, but I can't think of anything to say that would ease that pain. You know your babies are with Jesus and forever safe now. I will be praying for you & your family. I know family means everything to you & you are such a great mommy. Huge ((((hugs)))) to you.

Oh, so so SO sorry, Cris. We've gone through this three times, and it was horrible all three times, but keeping quiet about it does just make it harder. You can't really pretend everything is fine - at least I couldn't - so the way I look at it, it's best if everybody at least knows that you're sad and why you're sad. People can't help you if they don't know you need help. Hugs and prayers with you -- Kathleen

My heart goes out you and your sweet husband. Sending you hugs.

Thank you all. Your sweet comments, thoughts and prayers have meant the world to us. You guys are truly a blessing to us.

I am so very sorry for your loss.I know how diffucult it is as I experienced it many many years ago myself.at that time I had no one to share it with and it has affected me still to this day my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time may God wrap his loving arms around you and provide you with strength and comfort

Hello Cris. I am a lurker to your blog. I love reading your posts. I am terribly sorry for your loss. It takes great courage to post and share such a difficult time in your life. Sharing this will help another find a way to cope with their loss too. In 2002 at an 18 week ultrasound, my then husband and I found out there was no heartbeat on our little one and sadly, I had to undergo surgery. Oftentimes I think of that little person who I never got to meet, never got to share giggles and smiles with, never got to teach to draw, throw a baseball, hold a hockey stick. That child would have been 8 this year. While I never got to know him or her (I never asked .. I was too sad), I am constantly reminded that the love I shared with this person was special for the time I had it. It is a difficult road, but one that God shines light on for us so we can continue on our travels. Much love and blessings for you and your family.

Another loving Angel has gone to heaven and Lord please put some beautiful wings on the child. Lord we know you needed them more than we did so please take care. And tell the family we are thinking of them and praying with them all the time. Thank You Lord for watching out for all of them.

I was married almost 17 years before I even got pregnant with our now 24 year-old son who was born healthy and a whopping 10 lbs. 4 oz. a few days after my 40th birthday. However, after our son, I had three miscarriages--all in the first 10 - 12 weeks before I would usually have had a doctor-confirmed pregnancy, but because of my "advanced" age, my OB-GYN tested me as soon as I missed a period. I still mourn what might have been, and not just for us, but for our son who was raised as an only child who has never experienced the bliss (or the aggravation) of siblings.

Crying here on the prairie Cris. Your honesty, living life without fear is something I admire. God truly has another angel in heaven and while it can't heal your heart or loss right now. Know that I am praying for you and your family, for your peace, healing and for more joyous blessings in your future.
Katie

Cris,
I have been debating what to say here as I am not very good with words. I am so sorry. My heart sunk when I read your post and there are just no words to tell you how terrible I feel for your and your family.
Thinking of you...
Ginny

Hi Cris - I'm Lisa - your partner in Thrifty Kitchen over at Pennies and Blessings. I just wanted to thank you for your heart felt post and to say that I am so sorry for your loss. We have 1 wonderful son and since then I have only had miscarriages. The Lord has brought me to a place of peace and contentment about it and I look forward to my large family in Heaven. Prayers & Hugs!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your willingness to share so openly. May God grant you peace, comfort and healing. Our son and DIL lost their first pregnancy and I remember how sad it was to have lost someone we hadn't even met, but God blessed us last September w/ another grandchild who has brought so much joy to our family. I pray that God will do the same for your family.

Oh my goodness. Iam so sorry to read this...thinking of you and your family...

So sorry you are going through this again:( Praying for you and your family.

Will definitely say a prayer for you, and I love your attitude. I have a friend who is having a really hard time dealing with the loss of her first two babies/pregnancies, and it sounds like her experience is very similar to your first. You are so lucky to have Puddie and his support. I have more thoughts I'm trying to put into words, but I think Adam just ran upstairs to get dressed, so I better go with him. But know that my thoughts, prayers, and love are with you!

Cris, I am praying for you during this difficult time. I know how devastating this loss can be. Sending big virtual hugs your way!

Thank you all. Your sweet comments, thoughts and prayers have meant the world to us. You guys are truly a blessing to us.

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